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Published on October 13th, 2012 | by trencej

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Rantalicious – Stick your “face” in this “book” so I can crush your nose.

Disclaimer: The following post is just the opinion of a Grumpy Old Git who started playing games pretty much at the beginning of this whole industry we call “gaming”, whose rose tinted glasses are firmly welded to his head by this point and his opinions do not reflect the opinions of the FBF network as a whole, or any of its affiliates.

Hello.

Its me again. And yes, I’m ranting again.

Facebook “Games”

Just one question? WHY?
These bloody things are not games. They are complete wastes of time, that lonely housewife’s play out of utter boredom. There are so many better things that you could do with your time. If your sitting there with your browser open, I could give you links to sites where you can play hundreds of retro games right in your browser. You know, REAL games, from a time when graphics didn’t matter, (more on that later)

Now I know that these games are meant for the casual gamer. And that’s another term that can fuck off and die for all I care. Your a gamer, Or you are not. And if you play these god awful, time sucking, waste of pixels, then you are not a gamer. Some of these games would actually be quite fun if it were not for the following aspects that seem to be a permanent fixture of all these games.

1. “Get 3 friends to help you with X”

This is a double header. As an old school gamer, and an old git in general, I don’t have friends. However, I do like the multiplayer aspect of many games ( In fact, I started my own minecraft server for this very purpose). However, I do also like to be able to play a game to completion solo. These games take that option away from you. The other point to this point (pointception!) Is the constant invites and requests you get from people of your friends lists who play these games. I have blocked, and in some cases, actually deleted people from my Facebook contacts for this very reason, as the constant requests get right up my arse. And to be honest, if you play these games so damn much, Id rather not have anything to do with you, thank you very much.

2. “5036.45 hours to complete this X”

Fuck me! So, I want to make this building, but its going to take 48 hours to complete? Wheres that delete app button?

3. “finish this now for X Facebook coin/Zynga credits/Pints of blood”

So, I’m that fucking mentally ill to play this game in the first place, and also that damn impatient, that im going to spend my hard earned cash buying these credits to speed things up? No, Im going to play Mario or something, and you should too you Arsebook freaks!

So yeah, these are not games. And if you play these games for more than 5 minutes before coming to your senses and doing something more entertaining like eating dog shit, then please go and die in a fire.

Graphics Whores

Now don’t get me wrong. Graphics, in certain circumstances, can make a good game great. However it cannot make a bad game good. Also,

THEY DON’T FUCKING MATTER AT ALL!!!!!

If a game plays well, its plays well. It makes no fucking difference what it looks like. Kids of today are spoiled by all these Vertex shaders/Bloom/BiLiner filters/Realistic Breast physics (actually, that last one can make a bad game worth playing) they seem to forget about the pure FUN you can have with games. Adventure on the Atari 2600 was a fucking awesome game. Did it look good? Fuck no, but we had something back then that youngsters just don’t seem to have anymore. Imagination. Games back then were a hell of a lot more immersive, as your brain took over the Graphics, and you really did make it your own little world. With the almost photo realistic graphics of today, thats impossible. No room for imagination at all (and fantasizing about doing lara croft up the arse is not using your imagination) so many times the games feel a lot more dull than they really should be.

Its good to see that the indie scene, and to some extent the larger companies too, are starting to realize this. Realistic graphics does not automatically make a good game. The fact that games like Retro City Rampage are getting released, AND selling well in 2012 is proof that Fun>Graphics is starting to take hold again.

On this point, Im going to share with you an Odd dream that I had recently.

In this dream, Sega, were planning to get back into the Hardware business, But lacked the resources to do so, and teamed up with Nintendo  And rather than it being super powerful, they decided to develop a brand new, 16bit system, that would have games released for it made exclusively by Sega and Nintendo in house teams.

If this were to happen, I would kill myself. As it would make me SO happy, I would literally have nothing else to live for.

Tune in next week, where I shall try to paint an even bigger target on my chest.

I’m Out

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About the Author

A Grumpy Old Git who started playing games pretty much at the beginning of this whole industry we call "gaming", whose rose tinted glasses are firmly welded to his head by this point. A hardcore retro fan, and a self confessed minecraft addict.



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